The Lone Cypress

A poem that has become a part of my special repository – Invictus

"Invictus" is a short Victorian poem by the English poet William Ernest Henley which he wrote from a hospital bed. It is truly inspiring and knocks sense back in to me each time I stumble.

Here goes:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The last two lines of poem, sum it all for me - I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

Yet why is it that one allows petty thoughts, emotions, difficult and trying situations, to get the better of us?

For if we truly are the masters of our fate, then no one, has the right to clean our slate!

Memories are ideally supposed to be positive happy thoughts that one tucks away in the pockets of one’s brain and comes back too as a pleasant feeling when we come across things that make us peek-a-boo into those very pockets.

However, what does one do with the bad negative ones? Can we not dig them 6 feet under and hope that they would fade away in time? That awful feeling of the ears turning warm, feet going cold, tummy curling and the heart racing 200 miles per hour!

If only, one could carve out those memories and toss it in the deep blue ocean hoping it doesn’t find its way back some day through the wash of the waves....if only...

It was her birthday and she really wanted to visit the Sai Baba Temple at Alandi. So I decided to leave work early and take her in the car. Another friend also came along. While we were driving down the Alandi road, i see this small black scrap in the middle of the road. It looked like a curled piece of tyre. As i drove closer, i noticed it was a small black pup that had just been hit!

I slammed the breaks. I could see its little heart beating and its eyes twitching. The three of us sprang out of the car. By then a villager walking by had picked up the pup and lay him down on the side of the road. The little pups brothers and sisters were running about not knowing what had happened. I also saw this big brown dog barking away. I wish I understood doggy language! I am sure he had some story to tell!

The sight was so pathetic. That poor little might fighting its last breath. How i hate being in such a situation where one feels so helpless not knowing how to relieve this poor little mite of it pain.

I frantically made calls to a few people I knew. My vet said we could save him and to rush him as soon as possible to him. So we wrapped him up in a scrap of cloth and placed him in the car. I drove like a bat out of hell but as luck would have it I had all the traffic snarls and jams en route. Swearing, cussing, and blaring the horn was all I could do but do you think it made any difference?

What does one do in such a situation where you know both life and time is running out at the same time? It’s really sad and pathetic. I guess the shot from 3 Idiots makes sense now. We need one chap in front of the car moving the ‘heartless machines’ if i may call them, aside and another captain steering through the tumultuous waves of traffic. How much help that would be too is a question mark as we live in a country where people follow an ambulance thinking they will get past traffic faster!

Anyways, we got past all of that hoping and praying we make it in time. We reached the clinic and dashed in with the pup. Alas! We had lost him. The sadness i felt reduced me to tears even now. There lay this lifeless pup on the doctor’s table. Though somehow with a look of peace on his face. I guess the pain had finally ended and he was released.

However, my emotional tsunami was not yet over. The next question was, what do we do with the body of this little pup? So once again, we started making calls. I called an animal hospital, the Blue Cross, hoping for some help. However, i as told that they don’t know what to do with dead animals. I was told to take the “carcass” and dump it in a bin where other dead animals were dumped!!!
I was appalled, shocked and deeply hurt. I could not just throw that pup into a dustbin!!

The three of us racked our brains and decide to bury the pup ourselves. We bought loads of salt and went hunting for a shovel. Somehow we got everything with great ease and even found the perfect spot to bury the pup.

So there we were three women, a shovel and this little pup. Another friend joined and helped us dig the pit where we lay this little lifeless creature.
We all felt sad but also relived that we were able to give this little might a proper send off. The brighter side to it is that if he lived, he would have maybe had some kind of deformity which no one would have understood. He would have had to struggle for survival. As harsh as this sounds, i guess death was the best gift to him.

This day will always be a memorable one as i learned and experienced so many things about life and people around me!

Boom…crash…and the lights go out...I almost sprang out of my chair!

Is it the generator or the final revolt of the rain gods, venting out its fury to this outrageous heat?

Well, the latter is what it is…I heard it again.

I look out to see the trees prancing in the wind, while the wind blows various sounds, some quite eerie I might say; more like ghosts telling me their evening itinerary.

However, the sweet fragrance of wet soil surrounds me and I look up to see the dark grey Nimbus clouds swaying by.

It’s here....i can sense the monsoons on hand!

How I love this time of the year where all the trees and plants get their annual bath and glisten in the morning sun. This sudden burst of new colour is so pleasing to the eyes.

I guess all the prayers to the rain Gods have worked :)

Why is it that there is more than meets the eye; why do i feel that something is amiss..
Is it just me or something I don't see...

The underlying sensation that whirls in my tummy, makes me think and wonder, is it a foreboding of troubled waters or a germ in my tummy...

Why this restlessness and uneasiness...i hate these premonitions, why don't they just go away and leave me to my loneliness.